Photo by Emily Cahal

We all dream of having loving, attached, and self-confident children. A child who has had their needs met on a consistent and loving basis has these traits. Attachment parents work to see this dream realized as they watch their children grow. Breastfeeding our babies, sleeping with or near them, carrying them on our bodies, meeting their needs as soon as they arise, and later using the principles of positive discipline are all crucial in the practice of attachment parenting.

Providing consistent and loving care is a principle most parents agree on. Many new parents follow this principle in the beginning of their babies’ lives by listening to their instincts. After the baby arrives, some parents stay home with their babies and some parents are able to go back to work with their newborns in tow. These are ideal situations and obviously minimize the separation of baby and parent. Others find a caring individual or space to bring their child to for a few hours a day. When our children spend time with other caregivers, it may be more difficult to make sure this bond and level of care is present. Attachment parenting advocates address this separation with a few guidelines.

The first guideline describes continuity of the caregiver. Ideally, parents should try to encourage the same person to care for the child for the first two to three years, preferably in the child’s home. When possible, choose a family member or close friend as your child’s first caregiver. Parents and the child should take the time to get to know the caregiver if they are not close already. This helps ease the child’s transition between the parents and caregiver.

The second guideline involves educating the caregiver about the principles of attachment parenting and encouraging them to use them with your child. For an overview of the principles of please visit the attachment parenting international website www. attachmentparenting.org or see the other articles in this series.

A third guideline speaks to the number of hours the child is in non-parental care. Many parents choose, or feel they have no other option other than, to use full-time child care, a subject which is a hot button for many parents. Current research suggests the need to minimize the number of hours children under the age of 5 spend away from their parents in order to maximize attachment. Fewer hours away from parents translates into less stress for the child. Two resources on this subject are listed at the end of this article.

Our culture does not support stay-at-home parents enough. It is difficult but could be possible to come up with stay-at-home solutions and modified work schedules in order to be with our kids instead of using full time child-care outside the home. Parents do find ways to reconnect when they are reunited with their children who are in day care by sharing morning rituals like, snuggling in bed, family breakfast and nighttime rituals like dinner, bath-time, brushing teeth and reading before bed.

The more attached we wish to be to our children and the more we hope our children to be attached to us, the more quality time we need to spend together. The value of time spent together as a family is immeasurable, it is subtle and builds over time with a “bank account” full of memories, laughter, tears, contentment, love and attachment.

For further reading:
Being There: The Benefits of a Stay-At-Home Parent by Isabelle Fox
The Four-Thirds Solution: Solving the Child-Care Crisis in America by Dr. Stanley Greenspan